GREETINGS DEAR PARENTS,
A wonderful quote I have which I think really has a lot to say about parenting goes like this "THEY MAY FORGET WHAT YOU SAID... BUT THEY WILL NEVER FORGET HOW YOU MADE THEM FFEL." As we go about our wonderful but challenging opportunities of being parents we might want to think about our past and our early youth and which of those parents, leaders, associates, and friends had the most influence on our lives for good. How did they make us feel? Did we feel loved, wanted, cherished, of worth? Did they take time to be with us and listen to us? Or, were there a lot of negatives involved in some of our associations, and do we want to bring those negatives into our relationships with our children? Something to think about......
QUESTION FROM A SUBSCRIBER cont.
We discussed ARGURING in the last two newsletters and this will be a continuation on this subject. The third and last avoidance method from my' book "Are Your Children Driving You Nuts" is called THE BROKEN RECORD tool. Without arguing, the broken record simply repeats over and over the famous words: "Regardless, nevertheless, however, (some words of your own), the answer is no!" Do not get hooked into the argument, just keep repeating the words nevertheless, or such and refuse to grab the bait. Soon they will say "I hate that word, Nevertheless!" You say, nevertheless, the answer is no. Oh my, it is hard to work with someone who will not argue!
Beware of the 'master' word WHY? Don't take the bait and get hooked!
DAD'S CORNER:
"A dad is someone you look up to no matter how tall you grow. "Your children will look up to you and copy so very many of the ways you think, act, feel, parent and love. What an awesome responsibility, but oh, what joy!
MOM'S CORNER:
"A MOTHER IS SHE WHO CAN TAKE THE PLACE OF ALL OTHERS, BUT WHOSE PLACE NO ONE ELSE CAN TAKE." -Cardinal Mermellod" There is just no one quite like mom, I can still feel my mom and how she loved me in those special moments, I don't remember much of the "not so good" times too much, but I do remember the special times, and I can still remember how she smelled - isn't that interesting, it is a good remembrance I have of her.
TO FLY OR TO STAY????
There are times in the life of a parent when the myriads of things and the stresses of life and of parenting are getting to be just too much. Have you ever experienced those feelings. If you have then you are among the majority of those of us who are parents, and this is especially true of single parenting.
Sometimes it seems that we cannot do it all, we can never do enough, we cannot spend enough time with our families, we don't have enough money, we feel unappreciated and/or neglected by our spouses and/or our children, or others in our life, things are not good at work, we are not working and doing enough, etc. etc. etc.
FLIGHT OR FIGHT?
Wow, are some of you feeling some of these feelings? Well join the boat, it is a common feeling a lot of us have. I used to feel like I wanted to run away from home. My husband was very busy and took me for granted, etc., and my teen age children didn't seem to need me for anything but rides, food and what I could physically provide.
WHAT DO WE DO? Well, as much as it would seem to be the thing to 'fly' and escape, and just show everyone that we don't feel loved or needed, etc. etc. is this the right answer? We need to think seriously on this subject.
I put in a newsletter recently that there were three ways to teach: by example, by example and by example. If we fly or escape and leave or not fulfill our responsibilities and our roles what messages are we sending to our family, our associates, friends, etc. I think the message is, 'if life gets hard, go away, go try something else, someone else, or leave the job, escape the responsibility, why try to solve the problem, why FINISH IT, etc.'
We can 'fly' but the destination may not be any better, and when and if we decide to come 'home', the trip home may not be filled with easy flight and it may be a very hard flight downward.
In our teaching as stated above, we are teaching our family to follow us. Is this the way we want them to react when they have problems at home, in school, with peer pressure, with teenage growing up years, with relationships and hardships? I think it best when we hang in and hang on and face the difficulties and the unpleasant situations.
Let's ASK FOR HELP: from others, from our religion, from our core sources, from our inner selves. Our inner selves, our consciences and our spirits usually know what is best. Let's take time to think, pray, meditate, ask, read, and use our many resources that are available today to help us get through these difficult times. Let's fight to keep what we love, what we are and who we are, let's put forth all our effort to molten out the gold that is the basis of our true and wonderful selves!
There may come a time, or you are in such a time when one of your precious ones wants to fly, or has flown from the nest and the example you set for your children will be the thing that will bring that will bring them back to you!!!!!
May God bless you in your wonderful endeavors!!
The next newsletter will be really exciting: research on the teenage brain and some very interesting and exciting findings.
Love to all,
Dr. James and Lillie Jones
