Are You a Controller?

GREETINGS DEAR PARENTS,

Let's talk about the "Parent Trap of Control" which is our natural inclination to want to control everyone and most everything. You might say.."It's my job to control, after all I am responsible for everything and if anything goes wrong, it's all my fault." Or, "what would others think of me?"

Are you trapped in Mission Impossible? (Compulsion to control) I was recently working at one of our parenting seminars and at the break time, a red-faced, angry woman emerged, who, after listening to the "Parent Trap of Control" portion of the seminar, informed everyone within earshot that she has her family right where she wants them….."Under her thumbs……" I, trying to be being polite and desiring to show decorum, I, simply said…"OUCH!!"

Our precious family members are put in tremendous emotional pain and the seeds of rebellion are planted when, as parents we choose to be hyper-vigilant and controlling. It's called "breathing down one's neck" therefore this behavior is not well received and one's family members are miserable. Controllers, give the message that, "I can't trust you, and you are not capable." (Remember, we are talking about age appropriate application here, very small children need certain controls for safety, etc)

This good lady had missed the whole point. We do not have the power to control everyone and everything, which is why we call it Mission Impossible. When we, like this lady feel and believe that we must control or we are a failure, our relationships do not flourish. Even, if we are RIGHT and have good and wholesome motives. It is vital to realize that we all want to be able to choose for ourselves. We want to be free. It is our learned dysfunctional behaviors of always being angry, or nagging, and even raging, that destroys what we want so badly, warm and loving relationships. There is a way to experience more joy and happiness, which is learning and living by these correct principles, which offer solutions to many of the problems we face today.

Perhaps all of us might take a few minutes and reflect upon the following questions:
What am I like to live with?
Am I loving?
Do I forgive easily?
Am I approachable?
Am I teachable?
Am I afraid to let go of control?
Do I dwell on the negative?
Am I a perfectionist (where nothing is ever good enough)

We would love to hear from you. Please visit our other website: www.familyimpact.com

You, as individuals, parents and professionals will love this system that teaches values and skills while developing the work ethic, cooperation and mutual respect in the home.

We applaud you all for wanting to do a better job of parenting by learning the correct principles upon which all loving and healthy relationships are established.

Until next time,

Dr. James and Lillie Jones