Are You a Controller?

GREETINGS DEAR PARENTS,

Let's talk about the "Parent Trap of Control" which is our natural inclination to want to control everyone and most everything. You might say.."It's my job to control, after all I am responsible for everything and if anything goes wrong, it's all my fault." Or, "what would others think of me?"

Are you trapped in Mission Impossible? (Compulsion to control) I was recently working at one of our parenting seminars and at the break time, a red-faced, angry woman emerged, who, after listening to the "Parent Trap of Control" portion of the seminar, informed everyone within earshot that she has her family right where she wants them….."Under her thumbs……" I, trying to be being polite and desiring to show decorum, I, simply said…"OUCH!!"

Our precious family members are put in tremendous emotional pain and the seeds of rebellion are planted when, as parents we choose to be hyper-vigilant and controlling. It's called "breathing down one's neck" therefore this behavior is not well received and one's family members are miserable. Controllers, give the message that, "I can't trust you, and you are not capable." (Remember, we are talking about age appropriate application here, very small children need certain controls for safety, etc)

This good lady had missed the whole point. We do not have the power to control everyone and everything, which is why we call it Mission Impossible. When we, like this lady feel and believe that we must control or we are a failure, our relationships do not flourish. Even, if we are RIGHT and have good and wholesome motives. It is vital to realize that we all want to be able to choose for ourselves. We want to be free. It is our learned dysfunctional behaviors of always being angry, or nagging, and even raging, that destroys what we want so badly, warm and loving relationships. There is a way to experience more joy and happiness, which is learning and living by these correct principles, which offer solutions to many of the problems we face today.

Perhaps all of us might take a few minutes and reflect upon the following questions:
What am I like to live with?
Am I loving?
Do I forgive easily?
Am I approachable?
Am I teachable?
Am I afraid to let go of control?
Do I dwell on the negative?
Am I a perfectionist (where nothing is ever good enough)

We would love to hear from you. Please visit our other website: www.familyimpact.com

You, as individuals, parents and professionals will love this system that teaches values and skills while developing the work ethic, cooperation and mutual respect in the home.

We applaud you all for wanting to do a better job of parenting by learning the correct principles upon which all loving and healthy relationships are established.

Until next time,

Dr. James and Lillie Jones

How Hugging Can Change Your Relationship

GREETINGS DEAR PARENTS

Hi, hello and hope you are doing great! Oh, I know, there are some great times for you, then there are some times when nothing goes right, and then there are those times when you could "throw in the towel", right? I think we all experience the same feelings along this road we are traveling, but I'm thinking that possibly the best way to handle all these situations is to let the glory of the great and special times dominate our thoughts, and let us ALLOW these precious times in our life come to our remembrance when the going gets tough.

Something I learned from someone while I was in college has helped me a lot in choosing and acting as I go along in life, I would like to share this with you in the hopes that it might help someone. The idea was:

WHAT WILL THIS DECISION OR ACTION MEAN TO ME IN A YEAR FROM NOW, IN TWO YEARS FROM NOW, OR IN TEN YEARS FROM NOW?

These ideas really helped me make some right decisions and I still use this philosophy in dealing with life today. When I forget this advice to myself some problems become large and some joys become minimal!

DAD'S CORNER:

1. Accept your children


2. Hug 'em and love 'em


3. Accept them


4. Hug them and love them


5. Hug them and love them...

Have we got the idea? I hope so! I have all the answers to parenting, they are: Love and accept your children!

MOM'S CORNER:
We will continue with the famous words of wisdom dispensed through the generations from moms:

Mean what you say and say what you mean.
Sometimes you have to roll with the punches.
ALWAYS BE PREPARED.
Great things come in small packages
BELIEVE IN YOURSELF!
What goes around, comes around.
Don't judge a book by it's cover.
IF AT FIRST YOU DON'T SUCCEED, TRY, TRY AGAIN.
An apple a day keeps the doctor away.
TREAT OTHERS AS YOU WOULD LIKE TO BE TREATED
Get up when you fall down.
Follow your dreams.
If life tells you to sit down, stand tall
Spend your money wisely

There are many more 'maxims' or sayings, or words to live by, rules of conduct or whatever we might call them. These are wonderful words for our children. Use some of your own that have come down in your families, the words will be implanted in the little brains, the subconscious and the souls of our precious ones and hopefully these ideas will come to the forefront when needed.



MORE ON HUGGING:
Last month we discussed hugging and now we will continue some ideas on this important and vital ingredient to the parenting solution.

One of the greatest assets of hugging is that of telling your children that you are there for them and this offers a great amount of SECURUTY for them. "When the world seems difficult or frightening for you, I am there for you and will protect and care for you."

A hug says TRUST. We as the 'hug givers' can be there and offer ourselves to those needing comfort, assurance, love, understanding, etc. People do not feel the desire to hug someone who is not going to trust them, or 'be there' for them. Your children know whether you are sincere or not, AND, as we've mentioned before, your children read you like a book, their feelings are purer than yours and they sense the 'true you.' Let us purify our motives and actions, and concentrate on our feelings for our children so they will be willing to hug and love us as we would want, thus completing the circle of our giving love and them receiving love. We will be more able to show forth our true selves and they in turn will trust us to their physical feelings and emotional needs.

A hug says LOVE big time!!! If I know someone loves me sincerely I feel the love offered in a hug. Your children will feel your love and the support, protection, etc. as you pour out your love and acceptance in hugs. They will have more SELF-WORTH as these ideas are unfolded to them.

Be sure to hug the teenagers–especially the 'big, bad' teen boys! They need and want the closeness, love and security, and YOU need the input the human touch gives to us when we hug and tell our children we love them. This will go far in helping Our feelings of frustrations and anger at some of their behaviors.

PROBLEM??? You can't hug, you never learned how, it seems awkward, your child won't let you hug him or her, you are embarrassed, etc. There are many reasons why we have trouble with this wonderful principle. The answer: PRACTICE, PRACTICE, PRACTICE. What do you tell your children to do to when they are learning to play the piano, learning to ride a bike, or learning to throw a ball? When I grew up hugging was not something we did as a family so this principle of love was foreign to my nature. Thank goodness, I married into a family that hugged and I eventually learned how to hug! The same for saying "I love you." We didn't say these words as a family so I had to learn to say this to my husband and my children. I did practice and let me tell you, it was really worth the EFFORT!



Again, we invite you to let us hear from you. Tell us how you are doing, your progress in your parenting skills, your problems and needs, ideas you have for our program to help all parents everywhere, and we love to hear about any fun and funny situations happening in your family.

May God bless you in all you are doing to further the progress of families and helping to make the world a better place!

Love and good wishes to all,

Dr. James & Lillie Jones

Family Vacation Tips & The Love Language

GREETINGS PARENTS

At this time of year many of you are thinking of vacation time. It is a great opportunity for us to grow as a family and have some treasured memories in spite of the little rifts that get in the way.

So, let us, as parents try and make a great vacation time for our families with lots of bonding, love and fun times for all! Ok, now that sounds easy, let's just do it, right? Wrong! If your family and children are like most you will have the usual little problems like sibling rivalry, bickering, etc. etc. 'She touched me', 'he put his foot on my side,' 'she took my computerized game without asking,' 'I'm hungry, and the best one of all 'how long until we get there? '

If you've ever been to one of my seminars, you know that I teach that family vacations are an oxymoron. Do you agree? Here are some ideas for family vacations taken from our daughter that are really super.

Our daughter plans ahead and does some preliminary work before a long trip whether by car, plane, train, etc. A bit of time spent before can prevent a lot of major headaches and stresses on the trip. She gets envelopes and puts into them the ideas for games, treats, fun ideas and then brings along the games, coloring books, treats, games, etc. They get to choose an envelope every half hour or whatever and then do what the paper says. She monitors the envelopes according to their abilities, interests and their fatigue, and the treats are spread out. Put in ideas for family interaction such as 'I spy something' (green outside or inside) and such, the first person who guesses is the next to say I spy.

Count the license plates from the different states, the trucks and trailers with sleepers on, the cows, etc. The first one to see a horse gets 50 cents. There are many, many ideas you can invent, let the children help you get this ready.

One really different thing our daughter did one time on one of the l-o-n-g trips to see Great Grandpa was to bring along a glue stick and some art paper strips and we made a paper chain for each time someone spotted a certain object.

One of the greatest things you can do in traveling, camping, staying in a motel, etc. is to SING SONGS together, make some of them silly. Start a story line and let each person continue the story, tell your children STORIES of when you were little, etc. Our one grandson likes to hear stories from his dad's and dad's siblings stories of when they got 'busted' for doing things that were not acceptable to the parents. Oh, do they love this!

Try some of these and other ideas you come up with so you won't be tempted to: "if you don't be good Johnny, I am going to pull over and let you out and we will go on our way!" At times does that seem tempting? Actually, I have not met parents yet who do not truly love their children!

DAD'S CORNER
"IF YOU ARE GOING TO BE ABLE TO LOOK BACK ON SOMETHING AND LAUGH ABOUT IT, YOU MIGHT AS WELL LAUGH ABOUT IT NOW."



MOM'S CORNER:
In the Mini Page in our local newspaper for Mother's Day the publishers had some really neat 'advice from mothers' and I would like to put some of these down here and in the next newsletter. These ideas are those sayings that have been passed down over many generations and would do well to be passed down to many more generations. They are some of the ideas we all have had put into our souls from our parents that have helped us in our quest to live a good life.

TRIED AND TRUE SAYINGS

If you can't say something nice about someone, don't say anything at all.
Put yourself in somebody else's shoes. Feel what he or she would be feeling.
BE TRUE TO YOUSELF!
Two wrongs don't make a right!
Don't insult anyone, it will come right back to you.
this too, shall pass
IF YOU WANT A FRIEND, YOU HAVE TO BE A FRIEND.
It's all right. Just think of the glass as half-full and not half empty.
NOTHING IS BETTER THAN YOUR BEST.

Children need love, support, hugs, fun and YOU, not material things.

HUGGING:
When words are not enough, when it hard to talk and say the words, when you want to share in joys, sorrows, support and when you want to show someone you care hugging is one of the greatest gifts we have.

We all need to have the experiences of human touch in our lives. Think of the new born baby and how we shower our love for this little baby with all our touching, feeling, hugging and kissing. This is why they grow so delightfully wonderful to us and why they progress so well in their mental, physically, psychological and social development.

Recently we attended a family funeral and as I sat watching during the viewing before the funeral services, I was very much aware of all the many friends and family who came to greet the immediate family and how these people gave many, many hugs to the bereaved husband and the children. The hugs were saying, (I think,) 'we support you, we feel for you in your sorrow, we love you and we are there for you. What a great experience hugging and becoming completely connected to another human being is to us in this mortal life!

Let's take time to think of the hugging we do in our families and perhaps even plan and orchestrate some great hugging each day. We as parents need it and our children surely need it ¨C they need to feel of our love and support as they go out into the world and into the many walks of life they are experiencing. THE HUGS TELL OUR CHILDREN THAT WE LOVE THEM, ACCEPT THEM, AND THAT WE ARE THERE FOR THEM!!!!

God bless you all in your great endeavors at parenting. Let us hear from you with great stories, questions, etc

Love,

Dr. James and Lillie Jones

What can you do with your kids during the Summer?

GREETINGS DEAR PARENTS,

Spring is here for most of the country and it is a time to be outside working and enjoying the wonders of nature, and the wonders of the family. This is a great time for you as parents to be with the children out in your yard cleaning up, planting, etc.

If you can grow a garden with your family it is one of the greatest teaching times you can have with your children. They can put in the labor of getting the ground ready, plant the bitty seeds, water, weed, watch and wait for the plants to come up, then more of the same until the harvest. Patience and wonder are two of the great virtues of gardening. This will teach them not only the wonders of the planting, caring for and nurturing, but the joys of work and seeing the profits of work and then enjoying the harvest and even sharing it with others. Often, if you have too many tomatoes, etc. the children can go door to door selling the produce and people are very willing the help the children, and to obtain some really fresh produce.

Don't forget to take all the family on some nature hikes, rides, walks, and remember, this doesn't need to be a big project - notice the beautiful world as you are driving them to different places, or at the park or field as they play sports, etc. Point out the various varieties of plants, the clouds, the sunsets, etc. My son, David, in a Mother's Day tribute some years ago noted how much he appreciated my showing him the beauties of nature and how to appreciate the creations of God. (Yes, Mom and Dad, they Do Listen even though it seems at times that they are far away and not paying attention.)

DAD'S CORNER:
ON BUILDING SELF ESTEEM: LOTS OF SINCERE LOVE AND GENUINE AFFIRMATIONS ARE LIKE FERTILIZER, HELPING THE TENDER SOULS TO GROW. THIS RELATES TO THE MESSAGE ABOVE ABOUT GROWING PLANTS, WE ARE PLANTING SEEDS, AND NURTURING JUST LIKE WE WOULD THE PLANTS, AND WITH THE HELP OF OUR HIGHTER BEING, LIKE THE HELP OF THE SUN FOR THE PLANTS, WE HAVE THE POTENTIAL OF RAISING GOOD, RESPONSIBLE AND CARING ADULTS.

MOM'S CORNER:
"IF YOU'RE GOING TO BE ABLE TO LOOK BACK ON SOMETHING AND LAUGH ABOUT IT, YOU MIGHT AS WELL LAUGH ABOUT IT NOW." Marie Osmond

SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT:
Concerning the many physical problems besetting our nation, and particularly our children, we perhaps may want to think about the food we eat as a family and the foods our children are getting in the various walks in their lives. It has been suggested that children (and all of us I suppose), should be more careful of the sugars and fats in our diets. I was noting something the other day in a health publication relating to the many ear, nose and throat infections and problems our children are having in the recent years. The suggestion from the article was that we try and limit the sugar, dairy products and red meat from the diets of those children with such problems. (Many times these problems are related to a form of an allergy, thus the note for being careful of the dairy products). Just an idea to think about. Let us study and do more research of this subject as parents, if we do it will save us much in the way of time, worry and health concerns and also the monetary considerations of such problems.

THE MYSTERY OF THE TEENAGER, cont.
For the last two newsletters we have been discussing the article from the Orange County Register, this will be a continuation of the article "Work In Progress." A question was put to Mr. Walsh, about how you help teens learn to control their behavior when they might misinterpret the comments or behavior of you as parents or others who are trying to help them. He tells us that we should teach kids that they are likely to misinterpret nonverbal cues like body language because of what is going on in their brains. They are consistently in the areas of aggression. We as parents and others dealing with these aliens need to name our feelings and tell them where we are coming from so they can't misinterpret us. Let us be careful and not respond with rash abandon and anger as they do.

He tells us of the most common mistakes we make is, as stated above, escalating with them emotionally, and also, granting them the divorce they are asking for: giving them too much freedom too soon. "I know that all over the nation there are parents struggling to say no."

When can we expect a return of normalcy of our teenager: When they are out of the teenage years! He told us only that, I will say that it is different for all people, and we need to be patient, and as Dr. Jones says, "Kind, but firm." For starters, let's just say, around the early 20's or so. Help! Can we wait it out? Yes, we will!!!

God bless all of you, especially those with these aliens as I call them that we are raising!
Love,

Dr. James and Lillie Jones

How to Love Your Teenager

GREETINGS DEAR PARENTS,

In this newsletter we will continue the article on the teenagers brain and see if we can make a bit more sense of this interesting 'mammal'.

Remember the joys out weigh the challenges as you are working to raise a righteous, responsible, respectful posterity. The three R's-- I think I will call them "R R R children!" There are forces out there that will work toward the destruction and demoralization of our precious ones so we need to put forth a greater effort to combat these negatives.

Lillie wrote this 'receipe' some months ago and thought you might like to read it.

Recipe For Life

Take one man
Take one woman
Blend until they become sweethearts, this
will bind them together
Shake these 2 ingredients occasionally to
round of the rough sports
Marinate the two ingredients together to
obtain the best parts of the two
Add one sweet baby and many cups of love
and service
Add one more precious soul, and again, many
cups of love and service.
The above ingredients may be added in more
abundance, (the more you add the greater the
challenges, but the more marvelous and wonderful
the job of your experiences.)
Add periodic dashes of education, friends, work,
service, fun and laughter (very important), grandparents,
accomplishments and disappointments, all seasoned
in the proper amounts.
Let all of the above ingredients marinate for a long
time, be patient, the wait is worth it¡ .
For in no time at all the "DISH" will be done and
you will be able to turn out lovely, capable young
adult side dishes for many to enjoy.
Note: Some side dishes may take longer to marinate,
be very loving and patient with these dishes.

--Lillie Jones

DAD'S CORNER:
An infant is like a compuiter, the good or the bad goes in and it is never erased. We need to be careful and not let the bad and negative ideas, philosophies, examples, situations, abuses, etc. get into the little child's brain, physical being and spirit. These things never leave the little one and can cause many problems later on in life. Let's remember the old saying: An ounce of prevention.

MOM'S CORNER:
"WE FIND DELIGHT IN THE BEAUTY AND HAPPINESS OF CHILDREN THAT MAKES THE HEART TOO BIG FOR THE BODY." RALPH WALDO EMERSON

TWO CARTOONS ON ARGUING FROM ARTIMUS COLE, A GREAT CARTOONIST THAT MR. JONES USED FOR HIS BOOKS: (MR. COLE PASSED AWAY AND WE ALL MISS HIS GREAT WORK!)


THE MYSTERY OF THE TEENAGER cont.
We talked last month about the article I had read in the Orange Co. Register, this will be a continuation of this article: "Work in Progress."

We mentioned last time that Mr. Walsh suggests that we help them develop the skills for control, planning ahead, decisions, and reflections. The register asked the question to him about how we go about this process when they don't want you to be "in" their lives.

He tells us that they need connection, guidance and love during these years. Connection is a challenge because they are asking for a divorce! We cannot grant them the divorce at this time. We have to find ways to stay 'connected.' This is done by knowing what they are doing, where they are going, knowing who their teachers are, who their friends are, and by knowing who the parents of the friends are. (We found with our son who went astray for a long time as a teen that knowing the parents and connecting with them was very, very important.)

We have to maintain ways to remain as a family Mr. Welch says. These things are the things they are fighting, they don't want to be with us as a family, or even be seen with us.

They need our guidance which comes in the form of limits, consequences and accountability. (These are the very things Dr. Jones espouses in his works and teachings.) How this guidance gets delivered to the adolescent is with LOVE

The teen brain is built for power struggles so it is unwise to engage in this form of guiding them. (Dr. Jones talks of the different personalities and all children, and all people, and the power struggles and the dangers of engaging in these forms of communications and interactions.) Mr Welch tells us to enforce these limits calmly, consistently and with firmness.

Something else he tells us is not to take personally some of the words and actions that come from these interesting 'people'. Remember who you are dealing with.

We will continue this discussion in the next newsletter.

I try to remember that these 'aliens' are half child and half adult. What a difficult thing to deal with. Think back on your own adolescent years, they were hard for you weren't they? If not then you are a very rare creature indeed because the most of us had a hard time and are grateful for having come through the situation in one piece.

May the blessings of Heaven be with you!

Love,

Dr. James and Lille Jones

The Mystery of the Teenager

GREETINGS DEAR PARENTS,

I sincerely hope that this newsletter will be of value to you, and that at this point in your life you are learning more about parenting and loving those precious children of yours more every day! A quote that I think is very meaningful at this time is one that is very thought provoking and hopefully will stir your souls, is: "

No success can compensate for failure in the home!" - David O. McKay.

Oh yes, let us feel the stirrings of guilt, but perhaps that is good in this case. Often the feelings of guilt are not productive, but in certain instances these feelings may lead us into the path of a better performance as parents.

You may have thought that I love to stick you in the heart with a piercing sword each time I attempt to write this crazy newsletter, well, yes, I am trying that! No, not really. The desire of all of us here at Familyhood is the family as a whole and thus we are as interested in your well being as we are in the well being of the many wonderful and precious children of the world. (In spite of the, shall we say, challenges we have in raising the little monsters - (oops, that just slipped out!)

DAD'S CORNER:

"THE BEST PORTION OF A GOOD MAN'S LIFE IS THE LITTLE, NAMELESS, UNREMEMBERED ACTS OF KINDNESS AND LABOR." - William Wordsworth

MOM'S CORNER:

We find delight in the beauty and happiness of children that makes the heart too big for the body" - Ralph Waldo Emerson

One last note on the ARGUING we have been discussing the last three Newsletters:

THE MYSTERY OF THE TEENAGER:

This Newsletter I want to discuss part of an article found in the Orange County Register, then the next Newsletter we will continue this, and also give more information on these strange but very real aliens amongst us!

This article appeared Jan. 5, 2005 in the paper and is a short article with facts and ideas from a book by Dave Walsh - "Why Do They Act That Way? A Survival Guide To the Adolescent Brain for You and Your Teen" Sounds like a great book to read!

He talks about the teens and why they can't help driving their parents nuts with their moody behavior. Scientific research tells us that the teens do or don't do what they are supposed to do not just because of changes in their hormones, but, BECAUSE OF CHANGES IN THEIR BRAINS! Hallelujah!!!! A little piece of the puzzle as to why we want to send these little 'sweethearts' to the moon, or at least to another state to live with one of our least favorite relatives!

"Puberty triggers a spurt of brain-cell growth, a process of over-productive and pruning back, that by the late teens ideally produces an adult with a well wired brain."

Mr. Walsh tells us: "If I were to compare the teenage brain to an automobile, it's as if the gas pedal is to the floor and there are no brakes. That combination explains the impulsivity, the quickness to anger, the risk taking. Kids will feel very strong emotions and impulses at the very time their ability to think ahead and consider consequences is under construction."

He tells us that there are different things going on in the development of the brain at different stages of a child's development, this one is just a bit hard to watch and to 'wait out'. This growth spurt has a greater impact on the wiring of the brain than at any other time during our development. During this time we want to help them develop the skills for impulse control, planning ahead, making considered decisions, and the ability to reflect.

Well, that's a nice idea Mr. Walsh, .... wait, watch and help! The next newsletter we will go into a bit more of his ideas on how to do some of this helping. In the meantime let us try and deal with their mood swings and rash behaviors by not over reacting and yet not granting them the absolute freedoms they so desire. As Dr. Jones says, "kind, but firm."

I call the crazy teenagers sour puss apes. They walk around like apes, mumbling, and they always have a chip on their shoulder. Our little 4 year old grandson, even at his young age does a great impression of the teenager I think we'll take a picture of him and save it until he gets to be one of the 'aliens'.

May God bless you in this great and challenging work, there is nothing harder, and nothing more rewarding!

Love to all,

Dr. James and Lillie Jones

Stop arguing at home forever, Part 3: The Broken Record

GREETINGS DEAR PARENTS,

A wonderful quote I have which I think really has a lot to say about parenting goes like this "THEY MAY FORGET WHAT YOU SAID... BUT THEY WILL NEVER FORGET HOW YOU MADE THEM FFEL." As we go about our wonderful but challenging opportunities of being parents we might want to think about our past and our early youth and which of those parents, leaders, associates, and friends had the most influence on our lives for good. How did they make us feel? Did we feel loved, wanted, cherished, of worth? Did they take time to be with us and listen to us? Or, were there a lot of negatives involved in some of our associations, and do we want to bring those negatives into our relationships with our children? Something to think about......

QUESTION FROM A SUBSCRIBER cont.
We discussed ARGURING in the last two newsletters and this will be a continuation on this subject. The third and last avoidance method from my' book "Are Your Children Driving You Nuts" is called THE BROKEN RECORD tool. Without arguing, the broken record simply repeats over and over the famous words: "Regardless, nevertheless, however, (some words of your own), the answer is no!" Do not get hooked into the argument, just keep repeating the words nevertheless, or such and refuse to grab the bait. Soon they will say "I hate that word, Nevertheless!" You say, nevertheless, the answer is no. Oh my, it is hard to work with someone who will not argue!

Beware of the 'master' word WHY? Don't take the bait and get hooked!

DAD'S CORNER:
"A dad is someone you look up to no matter how tall you grow. "Your children will look up to you and copy so very many of the ways you think, act, feel, parent and love. What an awesome responsibility, but oh, what joy!

MOM'S CORNER:
"A MOTHER IS SHE WHO CAN TAKE THE PLACE OF ALL OTHERS, BUT WHOSE PLACE NO ONE ELSE CAN TAKE." -Cardinal Mermellod" There is just no one quite like mom, I can still feel my mom and how she loved me in those special moments, I don't remember much of the "not so good" times too much, but I do remember the special times, and I can still remember how she smelled - isn't that interesting, it is a good remembrance I have of her.

TO FLY OR TO STAY????
There are times in the life of a parent when the myriads of things and the stresses of life and of parenting are getting to be just too much. Have you ever experienced those feelings. If you have then you are among the majority of those of us who are parents, and this is especially true of single parenting.
Sometimes it seems that we cannot do it all, we can never do enough, we cannot spend enough time with our families, we don't have enough money, we feel unappreciated and/or neglected by our spouses and/or our children, or others in our life, things are not good at work, we are not working and doing enough, etc. etc. etc.

FLIGHT OR FIGHT?
Wow, are some of you feeling some of these feelings? Well join the boat, it is a common feeling a lot of us have. I used to feel like I wanted to run away from home. My husband was very busy and took me for granted, etc., and my teen age children didn't seem to need me for anything but rides, food and what I could physically provide.

WHAT DO WE DO? Well, as much as it would seem to be the thing to 'fly' and escape, and just show everyone that we don't feel loved or needed, etc. etc. is this the right answer? We need to think seriously on this subject.

I put in a newsletter recently that there were three ways to teach: by example, by example and by example. If we fly or escape and leave or not fulfill our responsibilities and our roles what messages are we sending to our family, our associates, friends, etc. I think the message is, 'if life gets hard, go away, go try something else, someone else, or leave the job, escape the responsibility, why try to solve the problem, why FINISH IT, etc.'

We can 'fly' but the destination may not be any better, and when and if we decide to come 'home', the trip home may not be filled with easy flight and it may be a very hard flight downward.

In our teaching as stated above, we are teaching our family to follow us. Is this the way we want them to react when they have problems at home, in school, with peer pressure, with teenage growing up years, with relationships and hardships? I think it best when we hang in and hang on and face the difficulties and the unpleasant situations.

Let's ASK FOR HELP: from others, from our religion, from our core sources, from our inner selves. Our inner selves, our consciences and our spirits usually know what is best. Let's take time to think, pray, meditate, ask, read, and use our many resources that are available today to help us get through these difficult times. Let's fight to keep what we love, what we are and who we are, let's put forth all our effort to molten out the gold that is the basis of our true and wonderful selves!

There may come a time, or you are in such a time when one of your precious ones wants to fly, or has flown from the nest and the example you set for your children will be the thing that will bring that will bring them back to you!!!!!

May God bless you in your wonderful endeavors!!

The next newsletter will be really exciting: research on the teenage brain and some very interesting and exciting findings.

Love to all,

Dr. James and Lillie Jones